Can Television Replace Parents?

Imagine with me for a moment.  You’re home, it has already been a long day, you still have dinner to make, and chores to do, and the kids are after your attention.  You want to spend time with them–you do–but you just need 20, no 30, minutes to focus on the house and maybe even get five minutes to yourself.  Telling yourself “just this once,” you give in, turn on the TV, and within seconds they are magically fixated on the screen, transported to another world.  You can finally get a break.

How many can empathize with this scenario? I can. We’ve all been there.  Parenting is hard work and the television can be a very convenient babysitter.  TV time, once in a while, can be fun for the family. For a while we were even convinced that with the right programs or DVDs, this habit could be educational. However, it is very easy to become dependent on built-in entertainment.

In his recent article “Toddlers and TV Sets Don’t Mix,” author Kevin Ryan shared that in 1998 Disney created the Baby Einstein video series designed for children 3 months to 3 years.  The videos were marketed to increase child IQ at a young age in order to give them an advantage later in life.  Now, Disney is dropping the word educational and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screen time for infants.  Studies even show too much TV watching can diminish IQ, not improve it. We rationalized that TV was a good baby sitter—we were even encouraged thinking that it made our kids smarter.  Now, experts are returning to the view that kids need nurturing, play, exercise, and having a parent teach them how to be a better human being. Is this surprising news, or is this just common sense coming back around? Think back to when you were a kid.   Would you like to be playing, creating, and spending time with your parents, or would you like to sit in front of the TV because it is convenient for the adults?

Ryan shares that parents need to focus on building CQ: character quotient.  Teach toddlers habits such as “persistence, self-control, diligence, and how to set goals and get a job done.”  He notes the word character comes from the Greek word meaning “to engrave”.  What does the TV engrave–commercials, jingles, and inappropriate content your kids stumble upon?  What can we do to engrave good CQ into our kids?  Taking it a step further, what can we do to build their EQ, emotional quotient, a positive identity in our kids developed through parental connection and time together?

Even though we know TV may not be the best solution for our kids, it is very convenient.  What are frazzled parents, or single parents, supposed to do?  In the article “Television is Not a Good Babysitter,” Renee Dietz, author and single mom, shares that she, too, fell into the trap of using the television to entertain her kids.  It worked.  Without her kids underfoot, she was able to get the house cleaned and dinner on the table in half the time.  Unfortunately, she slowly realized that her kids were not only preferring TV- time over family-time, but they were missing out on important lessons such as learning how to take care of their home, fix dinner, and spend time together.  She gave the following tips to turn away from the television:

  • Substitute crafts, coloring, or other pen and paper activities at a table near where you are.
  • Allow your kids to help out with dinner, laundry, tidying. Chores may take longer, but she learned her kids enjoyed helping out and found pride in the work they did.
  • Take time to talk.  Once she turned off the TV, Dietz found her kids used the time to share about their school day, and plan weekend activities.

Her family still watches television.  But now it is limited to intentional family-time, not mindless viewing.  For more information on how to interact with young children, visit The Talaris Institute.  Here you’ll find information on how your children think, feel, and learn at a young age.

I know it is hard parenting a young child.  But our kids need us.  Remember, these years go by so quickly. And no one can instill character better than parents…certainly not the television.

Written by Jeff Kemp, Founder of Stronger Families

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  • Karina Anderson

    I have seen the effects of the positive direction taking the hard road as indicated above can have on a young child. I am usually read to scream after working with my toddler to have her “help” me bake or clean or do a craft project, but she loves to help and she talks about it so much afterward and learns so much that I keep at it! The only question I have is.. What if you spouse is not of the same mindset? How do we compromise and make it a win-win for both of us?

  • http://www.strongerfamilies.org krista

    Hi Karina! Thanks for the comment. The team at Stronger Families was gracious to provide a few tips to help you and your husband compromise when it comes to TV watching.

    First, with any issue, remember how you speak to him is almost more important than what you say. Approach him with a respectful, not critical tone.

    Second, setting the specifics aside, discuss the principles you want to instill in your children. What type of relationship do you want to spend with your child? What do you want them to remember about childhood? What will their memories of time spent with mom and dad be like?

    Third, discuss how television ties into these principles. How many hours a day should it be on, should it be used for reward of good behavior, or as an entertainment? What is he open to? Try it his way for a while and remember to take gradual steps to get to your goals. Turning off the TV cold turkey will be too much. Wean them off half an hour at a time.

    Last, our staff found that it is easy to turn to TV to entertain when you can’t think of other activities to keep your kids busy. It may help to plan a variety of activities that will work for your kids…ones that need parental assistance and ones that will keep them occupied on their own. Suggestions given were dropping clothespins in a jar, washing pennies with toothbrushes, building a fort, buy a mini cleaning kit so they can help you clean, or find books at the library with activities to keep preschooler’s busy.

    We hope this helps. Let us know what works for you and what you and your family decide!